About Me

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Kingston, Nova Scotia, Canada
Well, I'm 23 years old and the daughter of a preacher man. I'm a shipper-receiver for Tommy Hilfiger in Dartmouth, Ns. I'm an easy going girl and very easy to get along with. I love to drive, and yeah, I can drive a stick. And um... my favorite colour is yellow. :)

Monday, July 30, 2007

*gasp* An update?!

Wow. I know, I know, it's been a long time since I updated. Yeah, I've posted pictures and videos, but I haven't updated. the last time I did was on May 8th. So, I'll try to think about what's happened since. And don't worry, I'll make it point form.

-My doctor has put me off work until I'm "better"... The word better doesn't really have a firm definition. I originally was put off work due to anxiety/panic attacks, which have slowed way down, but my depression is still hard to battle. I have been off work since May 13th and really don't know when I'm returning. That's something I've gotta do some big thinking on very very very very soon. I have to have a form in for long term disability by the 2nd, which is Thursday. :S

-Due to being put off work from my doctor, I wasn't getting an income. Due to no income, my landlord wasn't able to receive my rent. Landlords don't seem to like that, so I had to give up my apartment and move back in with my parents. Which.... is.... okay. Lol. I love my parents very much and they do so much for me. And being out in the quiet, away from all the STUPID people in Kentville (read: Andy and that crowd) is nice. It IS a lot less stressful here, but I find it makes me more depressed even though I'm less stressed. I left some very close, and special people to me, back in the Kentville area. True, now that I'm out here, most of them don't talk with me, but still, its hard to make new friends. I've always had that problem. I'd rather stick with something I know and am familiar with.

-I got a cat (I don't even know when) named Roger. A lady who works at OLS was on her way to work, and found a box with four kittens in it. She brought them into work, and an e-mail was sent out. I managed to check my email from home and got it in time. Roger is the cutest thing ever. When I moved out of my apartment, I had to give him to my new friend Tylor, but I just recently got Roger back. He's the only thing in my life that can make me smile no matter what. I can tell that Roger and I are going to be close. Close like Scrat and I were.

Okay, I can't really think what else has happened. I've made a few friends, with is nice, but most of them are in Kentville. I'm going to a therapist once every three weeks or so. She has a few suggestions on getting me back on track, and I am trying them, but I'm not feeling it. Even with my anti-depressants. I have moments that I'm happy, or even moments that I pretend to be happy, but any time that I'm left in my own mind, it can get depressing.

Anyways, I have a few other things I need to do on my computer before I go to bed and get some much needed rest after an eventful, and drive-full weekend.

Ciao!
-T

Friday, July 13, 2007

Kentville stuff

This is at Halls Harbour. Tylor wanted me to take a picture of this because it was the only actually square rock there, and then a bunch of large stones, and the more you went up, the smaller the rocks got. So... I took a picture for him.

Also at Halls Harbour, the fog was rolling in at the tree level, which was above the water le
The same thing, but zoomed in.
Lol. Okay. This is Roger. Apparently his water in his water dish didn't have fresh water in it. Tylor had a beer mug with water in it on the floor, and Roger came up and started to drink out of it. I managed to get a picture of him mid-lick. :)
Later on that night, Tylor had drank most of his water, and Roger came back to get another drink. Lets just say there was a lot more work involved to get a drink this time.
After all the work to get a drink, Roger got a bit sleepy and crawled up between my legs and fell asleep.
This is from the other angle. He was out cold.
That is all.
Ciao.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Okay... can I do this?

I wanna post a video, and be cool like April...

Monday, May 28, 2007

Warning. Graphic. Anxiety attack.

I'm at my cousin Elizabeth's house, on her couch, chatting away on MSN to my friend Brad who lives in Michigan. We're talking about the usual stuff (our game we play) and general 'How are things?'-ness. I start to tell him about my anxiety attacks, and my mental state, when I start to get really sad. I well up a bit as he tells me that things will get better. I know they will, and tell him about the pills I'm on, and how many attacks I'm having, and I start to cry. I'm not sure why I'm crying, but I am. And I can't stop it. I tell Brad 'Bear with me, I'm having an attack'. He tells me okay, and I sit the laptop in front of me on the couch. I bend my knees, and bury my face in them, bring my arms up to my head, and grab onto my hair. Why I do this, I don't know. But it makes me feel slightly in control during it. I cry uncontrollably as I pull on my hair, until I feel a hand on my wrist. I look up and it's Elizabeth. She pulls me up to my feet and tells me to come to the bedroom so she can talk me through it.


I drift in and out of consciousness walking to her bedroom, and when I get to her bed, I fall onto it, face first, and bury my head in the pillows and cry harder. Liz is grabbing at my hands, trying to free them from my hair so that I don't yank out chunks of hair again.

My lungs are quivering, shaking, and not working very well. I can't control my lungs, and they're only taking very small quick breaths. My heart is beating out of my chest and I'm beginning to get scared. I drift out of consciousness again for a bit while I hear Liz talking to me, trying to keep me conscious. I stay this way for about 2 minutes until I can't breathe. I have an over-whelming feeling that I'm being choked. I pull at my shirt to get it away from my neck... the shirt isn't touching my neck. I take my shirt off anyways, and lay facedown on the bed again. I pass out again for who knows how long. Later, Liz tells me that during this time I am going from hot to cold faster then she can keep up with the cold face cloths and blankets. My legs were shaking uncontrollably, left hand shaking but for some odd reason not the right one. Breathing is erratic at best, short, sharp breaths. Elizabeth keeps talking to me so that I could concentrate on something, anything. I fade in and out of consciousness. Feel her rubbing my back, and her telling me to hold her hand and squeeze. After about 20 minutes, I can kinda open my eyes, but I still can't move. I realize Elizabeth is talking to me and my breathing is changing. I am able to take deeper and deeper breaths. I lay there, shaking, and trying to control my breathing, while staring off into space. I finally blink, and am able to focus on Liz. She has my fast acting pill in her hand a glass of water. She tells me to take it, but I can't move to lift my head to sip the water. I swallow the pill without water, and lay my head back down, trying to control my body and mind. Slowly, I'm able to move, and I sit up. My entire body is stiff, in pain, and like a dead weight.

I sit there for about 5 minutes, before getting up, going to the couch and passing out. My body isn't able to handle the emotional turmoil from the attack and I sleep well. That is... with some Lorazepam in my system to knock me out.

The next morning, I feel like I got hit by a truck. Slowly wake up, and talk to Liz about my attack, since I have little to no recollection of the night before.

I suffer from severe anxiety attacks. This was probably my worst one.
Just thought I'd give everyone a heads up as to what I go through.

:)
Love you all.
-T

Sunday, May 13, 2007

P.I.C.S.

Too tired to type.
Finally figured out how to post pics.
Random pics of Kitty, Dad's commissioning service and my apartment.
Enjoy.
Kitty, lookin' cute.
Kitty, being a pain. But I love her.
The 5 kids.
Dad and his brother Rocky, and his lady, Mary.
Dad and Donna.
Dad with his sister Linda and her man, Duck.
Dad with his sister Amy and her husband Archie (Eugene).
Mom and dad. Sweet pic!
Dad and Jonathan! :D

Me enjoying the barbershop quartet that sang at the service.
Mom, lookin' all happy during the Commissioning Supper.
Dad getting his Acadia Alumni pin.
During the Commissioning Service. A good angle for dad. :)
During the Laying of the Hands part of the service. April supported dad.
The three of us after the service. Awwww.
My apartment's kitchen and view of bathroom (taken from front door)
My living room, from doing a quarter turn once walking in the front door.
My bedroom. Ignore the fact that I need a paint job on my dresser.
The view out of my bedroom.


There. Now y'all can say that you saw the Commissioning Service, my Kitty, and my new apartment. :)

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Short but sweet.

I'm not feeling so hot, so this'll be short.
Sorry for not posting recently. I know some people like to read my blog updates. To those people, I'm sorry. To those who don't care, lol, oh well! :)
I've gotten sick again, which isn't fun. My lung infection and asthma are back with vengeance. My cough is horrible, I've got lots of phlegm, and my nose is all runny. :( So... lots of chicken noodle soup for me. Which, by the way, is VERY difficult to open up when you don't have a can opener. Takes me about 15 mins to stab it open and get it in the pot... By then, I'm just too tired to cook. lol.

Not much has really happened recently. Worked a lot last week (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday) and then celebrated my time off by heading out to Dooly's in Windsor with Sandy, our cousin Amy (who I hadn't met until that day) and met up with Jeff, Becky, and Chris from the theatre. Once I figure out how to post pictures here, I'll post some of them here. It was a really fun night until about 11 or so when I got this over-whelming sense of wanting to go home. After about an hour and half of trying to persuade Sandy to leave, we finally did. On the way home, I had a chocolate bar and broke a piece off my tooth. Once we got to Port Williams, I told Sandy to slow down because Scrat was outside. Well... no longer did I say that, and we rounded a corner, and I saw a black figure lying in the middle of the road. Sandy pulled over, and I went to look. It was Scrat. He had been hit by a car and left in the middle of the road. I cried... and cried... and cried. I couldn't leave him in the middle of the road, so I drug him off the road by his tail and then we went to my apartment. I cried, called my parents, cried some more. At this point Sandy suggested we ask the guy upstairs, Tommy, (who Sandy is kinda friends with) if he can come and help. I just couldn't leave Scrat on the side of the road, dead, for the crows and other animal. So, we got Tommy, who got a box and we went to get Scrat off the road. Got him, then went behind the house and buried him. I cried... a lot. Then went in the house and cuddled Kitty and fell asleep on the couch.
Sunday, I went to a baby shower for a girl at work, Katie. She's due in just about a month. Having a boy, Caeden. The shower was fun, that's for sure.
Sunday night I went to the city to hang out with Liz. That was fun. We chatted for a bit and had fun.
Monday, I had a 'date'. Not even a date, just hung out with a guy, Joe. Took him to the valley, showed him around, cooked him Mr. Noodles at my apartment, talked for a bit, watched him fall asleep on my couch, then made fun of him when he woke up because he was half-snoring, half-purring. After that, we talked a little more, then headed back to the city. He paid for my gas, which was nice:)
Monday night I hung out with Liz for a bit, had supper out (Yay chinese!), chatted on MSN with some people, and ended the night with me feeling like crap and not being able to keep warm. Fell asleep on the couch, under blankets, the heat turned up, and a winter hat on.
Woke up this morning, went online, didn't do much, left the city and headed into work for 11:15. Worked til 3:45. Talked with my supervisor about my lungs (he could hear my throat and my coughing and hacking from across the room), and he told me to take the second half of my split off to get some rest and try to get better.

So... that's where I am. Just sitting at the library, checking emails and such before I go home and have some more chicken noodles soup-from-a-can-that-I-have-to-mangle-to-open.

Anyone who wants to visit me at my new apartment, you're totally welcome! It gets lonely. I don't have the internet there, BUT, I did find out today that the cable hasn't been disconnected. So! Free cable for right now. :D YAY! Internet to be connected on Friday.
Ciao!
-T

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Wanna read a novel? Read this!

(sorry about any spelling or grammar errors. I didn't feel like doing a spell check after writing this monstrosity)


Wow. I think that was the longest I've gone without posting to the blog. A whole week and two days! In that time, I had some days that nothing happened, and some days that lots happened.
Basically, Tuesday, not much happened. I know I worked, and then went to Megan's house for the night. Wednesday... same thing. Went to work, went to Megans. Ended up feeling kinda lonely at Megans, so I was chatting with my cousin Elizabeth and she invited me up. So... in my car I go. Drove to Halifax (well... Dartmouth). Elizabeth and I chatted for a little and then we both passed out. We woke up Thursday, hung out, didn't do much, etc. Around 2:30, I got really tired and realized I needed a nap if I was going to drive to New Tusket that night from Dartmouth (That's three hours!!!). So, I fell asleep, and then woke up around 5:00, slightly panicked. I was due at Christy's house at 6:30 for Ice Capps with the girls, plus, I NEEDED to eat. So, Elizabeth and I rushed to Taco Bell (yummy!!!), and started to eat. Mid eating, I tried to remember Christy's number, but wasn't successful. Just as I was thinking about calling mom, she called me. (Eerie eh?) I told her where I was and that I would be late since it was already 5:45 and I had a 3 hour drive ahead of me and asked if she could call Christy to let know. Elizabeth and I finished up our supper, I dropped her off at Sobeys and then hopped on the highway.
The drive is a blur. I can't really remember... I think I got to New Tusket around 9:30 or 10:00. I sat on the floor, turned on my laptop and went through the 2 bags of clothes that I got from Christy and April Main. Mom and dad went to bed so I stayed online for a bit checking emails and chatting with people online. I dont remember what time I went to bed, but I do know it was late.
Friday I woke up around noon/12:30 or so. Went online. Kinda woke up. Was supposed to show up at Christy's at some point, but it took me a while to wake up. After chatting with some people, and doing some work emails, I got dressed and went over to Christy's. Christy was in the shower, so I hung out with Lauren, her friend Jill, and the youngest child of Corey and Christy's, Elizabeth. We played catch for a bit and talked until Christy got out of the shower. When Christy got out, she popped in a Barbie movie (Prince and the Popper????) Christy and I talked some more until Corey got home around 5:00. Christy needed to head out to take some rappie pie and trees to an auction, so I went home.
Dad had told me to be home by 5:00/5:30, so when I pulled in at 5:05ish, he was pleased. He asked if I had plans for supper ("Uhh... well, I'm here, aren't I?") and then asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him. Yay! Movie date with dad! We jumped in the car and then headed to Yarmouth. Pulled into the movie theatre and dad told me we were going to see Premonition. Double yay! I had been wanting to see that movie. So, we went in, got our tickets, stood in line for popcorn... went to the -right- line for popcorn (grrr), convinced dad to get a large pop and popcorn because you can get free refills, and then went into the theatre just in time. Compared to the New Minas cinemas, I liked this one better. The seats were seat up better and were more comfortable. Not 5 minutes later, the movie started.
Well... let me tell you... the movie was amazing. There was a part where I swear everyone in the theatre were jumping up and down and yelling at the man in the movie. We left, peed, and then went to the gas station to fill up. The drive home was nice. Rainy, but nice. All the way he teased me about how he was 'so glad we got the large popcorn and pop so we could get refills' (we didn't need the refills). Got home, chilled until mom got home. Dad teased me more in front of mom about the popcorn and pop and then they went to bed. I stayed up ... again... chatting. Again, I slept in, but it was nice. I drove dad to Sanky and Diane's house for him to go to a meeting, then came back home. Lounged around for a bit, and chatted, then felt horrible because I didn't make it to April's house when I was due to be there. So... I told her I'd call her at 6:30 and we'd get together. Mom came home with a movie for us 3 to watch. I told mom that I was going to Aprils and for her to call me when dad got home (it was a long meeting). I called April at 6:30 to see if she was up for company at 7:00. She said okay, so I headed up to her place.
We chatted a tiny bit about some stuff, and then saw that Cars was on. Whoot! Cars! We watched it together and laughed ("Mader. Like Tuh-Mader, but wi'out de Tuh!") until Craig got home (good timing Craig). Just then, mom called to say that dad would be home in a few minutes, so, I hopped in my car and went home.
Got back to mom and dad's place, talked with dad about his meeting, and then sat down with them both to watch Charlotte's Web as I went online (seeing a pattern here?). The movie was really good and touching. And, of course, mom cried. It's a common theme now when we watch movies as a family that mom'll cry at the movie. Hehe! After that, mom and dad went to bed, so I stayed online and chatted. Got to talk with April about some heated things, and she kinda slapped some sense into me about how I either didn't show, or was late to everything this weekend and how it made everyone feel. I felt instantly guilty and horrible, so I went around my MSN list and apologized to people that I felt I had might have treated badly. Explanations were given, apologies were accepted, etc. It was good to get some stuff off my chest and outta my mind and heart. After that, I went to bed (not to sleep, but to be more comfortable while I stayed online.)
I think I passed out around 5am... Then woke up at 10am for church. Took me a while to wake up (even though mom gave me a tea with a straw in the morning). Made it to church and had a great time. Dad was speaking of peace which was something that really spoke to me for what's been happening lately. After church, mom and dad went with some people from the church out for lunch. I was tired, and feeling kinda claustrophobic, so I stayed home and had left over Tacos for lunch. Mom and dad came home and had a nap. So... with nothing else to do, I went online! :) Mom and dad woke up in time to head out the door for a hymn sing thing. I stayed home, talked with April and Ben and some others. Got frustrated and started chatting with Megan. She told me that I should come back to the valley since she hadn't seen me in about a week or more. So, I waited around til 10:30 or so waiting for my parents to come back (they had been gone for 4 hours by then). Finally, mom called from Sanky and Diane's to say that they had been there. I told mom that I was going to Megans; she was fine with that. So, pack up my 4 bags of clothes and all my junk, and get in my car. I drive... and drive... and drive... "Hmm.. my car sounds louder than usual... Oh well"... and drive... and drive. When I got to Coldbrook, I called Megan to tell her I was close (it was near 1am by this time). She said that I could still come over, but that her and Martin were tired and lying in bed. Well, I didn't really feel like going to Megan's house while her and her boyfriend laid in bed tired. So, I got into Kentville, parked at the library and went online. Elizabeth was online! Yay! I chatted with her for a bit. "Why don't you just come down here Tanya?". Hmm... Good question! So, log off MSN, start my car("This sounds really loud. Maybe I should switch cars at Rockey's and get dad's car...") and started driving. Went to Rockey's to switch cars (1:30 by this time), but, dad's car was blocked in by a van. Crap! So... I guess me and my loud loud car are goin' to Dartmouth.
I pulled in at about 2:15 or so. Liz met me outside to let me in. We stayed up for about 2 hours, talking, giggling, and telling stories. Finally, I rolled over and passed out. I woke up at 8. Wide awake. "What?! 8am?! I only fell asleep 4 hours ago!" So, I got up, had a shower, and (you guessed it) went online. A friend that I had met through Liz, Joe, was online. He and I chatted for a bit before he suggest we meet up for coffee. So, I nudged Liz who was out cold to tell her I was going to meet up with Joe. She grunted. Back to my loud car. "Is it just me, or do I hear a rattling-ish noise?" I went across the bridge ("AHHHHHHGH!") and met up with Joe. We had coffee for about an hour before he had to go home because his girlfriend was coming home from work (she knew that us 2 were out together). So, I dropped him off at his place, apologized for the embarrassment of my loud car, and then went BACK to Liz's. Went online. Chatted. Liz woke up around noon. Wanted to go out to eat, but I was too embarrassed of my car. "Oh! I know! Lets call Donna! I'd love to see her and have lunch. That way, she can drive!" So, we get Donna to pick us up (as long as we paid for her chinese food). We had an AMAZING lunch together. April was jealous that she couldn't go (since, y'know, she lives 3 hours away), so we brought a pig ornament and took a buncha pics of "April" doing things. Donna has them posted on her blog.
Afterwards, Donna dropped us off and we went inside. I went online (I think I have an addiction) and Liz tried to go to bed. About a half hour later, she asked if I would take her to the clinic if they could squeeze her in. Well, turns out they could. So, we got dressed and headed out the door to my car. "Hey... Tanya... what's hanging from your car?" I look under my car. "Oh no!". My exhaust was lying on the ground. "No wonder my car was so loud!!"
So. Liz and I go inside. What to do? What to do? What to do? Normally I'd just call Rockey to come tow it or fix it. But.. I'm an hour away. Dad's even further and Liz had no friends that could fix it, even just a temp fix so I could get to Rockey's. Actually, that's a lie, she knew some people, but they were either working, sleeping, sick (sitting on the toilet for 45 mins), or had a broken leg. So... What to do? What to do? What to do? Well.... *sigh* Guess I'm doin' this myself. I get geared up (as in a sweater and sneakers) and went outside. I found a jack in my trunk, which was thrilling. We put it under the car, tried to jack it up. It was hard to do and I still just could not get under. I tried to shove myself under. Hummed, and thought, and growled for a bit. Elizabeth's trying to be my eyes, cuz I can't see, and I'm being her hands, cuz she can't reach. We just couldn't get it!! I got out from the car, cuz well, it wasn't fun. We stood there, thought, hummed, got angry (cuz we've both got the Reid rage (haha! Sounds like road rage. Hehe.)). So... we go over to the jack and look at it. "Y'know... Liz... the car doesn't look -that- high up in the air." So, we take the jack down, and the car lowered about 3 inches until it was as low as normal. "What?! I shoved myself under there when the jack had only lifted it 3 inches?!" Well... realizing quickly that we're not as smart as we think we are, we get frustrated again. Kicked a few things. Okay... Try again... "Hey Liz... look at this diagram on the jack. I think it goes -this- way." Yeah, it turned out we had the jack upside down. Once we got THAT figured out, we jacked up the car no problem! Whoot! Then we realized we had to figure out where to hook it so that it didn't fall out from underneath the car and squish me. Once we got that down pat we had to figure out how to support the car cause, well, its just a little VW jack. Solution: big big big big rocks:D Big enough that it took both of us to carry one of them. Once we got this done, we had to figure out how to hook up the muffler. Well...that was fun. Because I'm the smaller of the two of us, I got to be the star of it all... Hooray. (remember, I'm claustophobic.) I squeezed in under the car, lying on my back, with my nose practically touching the under-carriage of the car. Lol! "So... how do we do this?" Lengthways? Widthways? Hmm. I tinkered, and tickered, and hit my head, then ripped out what I had done, started again, hit my head again (I know have a tender place on my forehead). Well, I got frustrated trying different things. Got out from under the car and stood there looking it. I kicked a sitck... didn't do much to fix the car, but it felt good. :) Liz and I thoutht some more. "Well," Liz says, "What if we just tear the broke part off?" Back under the car I go. I tug, and pull, and push, and pull, and tug, and yank... not a chance would it come off. *sigh* What to do... what to do? By this time I'm getting REALLY angry that I couldn't get it. As mom and dad know, I'm a perfectionist so if I can't do it, just wait til I get frustrated and upset and I'll do it. Same as when I started to learn how to drive a standard in the Kingstec parking lot. So, I'm lying there, on my back, under the car with my legs hanging out, and guess what. It starts to rain. "Greaat." We fly into doing it double time. We call uncle Rockey from the cell. He can't help since he's not there. Called uncle Al. He's babysitting 5 kids and can't help. Called a few friends, no luck there either. So, back under the car Tanya goes, peeved off at this point. The gloves literally came off. Lol. I took a coat-hanger and wrapped it around a metal frame thing. "Hey! It's staying." Bend the coat hanger around, and wrap the other end around another frame thing. "Hey!! THAT'S staying!" I took the plyers, and pulled it tight. *shake shake shake* I shook the exhaust. It didn't fall on me. Whoo! So, I very happily came out from under the car and stood up. I had absolutely no feeling in my arms from holding the exhaust up at the weird angle. Liz told me I was a splitting image of Rockey. (Thanks Liz. *rolls eyes*) I told her I needed a tea.
So, we went inside, had a tea and called dad and Rockey to let them know. I got in my VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY loud car and headed home.

I pulled into Rockey's a little over an hour later to drop of my car and get dad's. Rockey wasn't home, but that's okay. I loaded my stuff from my car, into dads, sat down and started the car........... and started the car.............and STARTED THE CAR! "CAR!! START!!!!" You're kidding me, right? Dad's car hadn't been started in a few days, and now wouldn't start. So... it's raining cats and dogs, I have TWO cars that aren't working, and I'm so tired. *sigh* I went to Rockey's door and knocked, no answer. Went to the garage and knocked, no answer. So.. I stood in the rain, with my jacket on and called Liz and Sandy to tell them (since Sandy was expecting me there) and then called dad. Well, dad's not home. *sigh* "This is a joke, right?" I stood outside, trying to figure out what to do. Finally, Rockey pulled in. I told him that dad's car wouldn't start. He laughed at me. Lol! He got in dad's car, pumped the clutch and it started fine. By this time I was just done with the whole situation. I thanked Rockey, kissed him on the cheek, and then drove to Sandy's.

At Sandy's, we sat down and watched 'The Secret'. It's a kind of motivational/better-yourself movie, but so good. Talked about the laws of attraction. Not nessessarily between a man and a woman, but between yourself and the things you want around you. About if you're thinking negative all the time, then the universe feels that, and sends more negative things your way. If you think positive, the universe feels that, and sends positive things your way. It's definitely a movie I need to watch a few more times. It reminded me a lot of the FISH philosphy. 1) Be there. 2) Make their day. 3) Play. 4) Choose your attitude. Really amazing stuff when you think about it, believe it and make it your life.
Annyways, we watched that movie, then Sandy went to bed. I stayed up a bit on MSN but was just sooo tired that I just went to bed around 3am or so.
Woke up the next morning to Sandy telling me to wake up. She got me up and then we went to Tims. I didn't have change, or money for that matter, so I sat there while she drank her Ice Capp, while I was still asleep. Lol. She left from there to go to work, so I went to the library. I sat there, using their free internet for a while on MSN. Left there to go to work from 11:30 til 4:00. At 4:00, I went to Andy's house to meet mom and dad there. I was there early, so I was bumming around, and decided to check the mail. Government mail?! TAX RETURN! Whooot. Got the cheques and BOOGIED to the Royal Bank to deposit Andy's, and then to CIBC to deposit mine. Feels good to have 600 bucks in the account. :)
Drove back to the house, met mom and dad there. We packed up the truck with the stuff in the shed, gathered Scrat and Kitty and then headed over to the apartment for 6:45. Met Duane, the landlord there, and started moving stuff in. By 8 we had it all in and starting to unpack, until mom reminded me that I had to go back to work. Ugh. *sob* In my car I go, on the highway and off to work.

I worked til 1am last night and was sooooo dead tired. By the time I got home, I couldn't lay down. So.. I unpacked some dishes and glasses, unpacked my clothes from my car, put the clothes in the dresser, made my bed, unpacked bathroom stuff, had a bath, etc. It was a lot of fun. Scrat followed me around. I think he was lonely. He even 'helped' me make my bed. Lol! It was fun.

Woke up this morning to my alarm at 9:01. Hit the button, sat up, and then the plumber knocked at the door. He had come to fix the leak in the wall of the tub, so we made pretty good time. I brushed my teeth, got dressed, and then went on my way. Puttered around New Minas for bit, went online a bit, then went to work.
It's now 3:44, and I'm off in 1 minute.
This is enough of a post. I'll take y'all an hour to read it anyways.
Enjoy!!!
-T

Monday, April 23, 2007

My head is spinning.

Y'know... there are only so many times a day a person can say 'Thank you for choosing Rogers Yahoo Hi-Speed Internet. My name is Tanya. How can I help you today?' before a person goes absolutely nuts. So far today, I've said that about 44 times. The calls just keep coming in. And what's horrible is that our main tool to bring up a person's account, is down. So... we're troubleshooting blind, can't test modems, can't ping modems, can't verify information, can't give bill information. It's horrible. And therefore, I feel a migraine coming on. I just took two advil, so we shall see if that stops it. I've got just over 2 hours left until it's time to go... I just keep watching the clock.
Boy oh boy am I glad to have my days off this week. Just 1.5 hours left of this shift, and then two more days, then I'm off to the big bad town of New Tusket for 5 days. I'm very excited. People are booking me left, right and center. Lol! I have plans with Christy and April for Ice Capps at Christy's house on Thursday evening, and then brunch with April, Christy and some of their friends Friday around 10am. Then, Sunday I'm hanging out with Ben at his place... and Morgan too!

Last night was good fun for sure! Actually, the entire day was. Started out in the morning, woke up, had a shower, got dressed and put my make-up on and headed to church with mom. Sat down as people started to file in. First was Ben, who promptly sat on April, which made me laugh. Then it was Linda, Duck, Mahayla, Kevin and Kevin's girlfriendy-wife-lady. I gave up my seat in front of April, Craig, Mya and Ben, and moved up a row so that Linda, Duck, and Mahalya could sit together. Then, we were just about to start, and Brenton came in, which was thrilling for me. I waved Brenton my way, and he joined me for church. Church was really nice and mom and I got to help dad in the children's story by singing the Papaya song, which reminded me of camp. I miss Kingswood sometimes... I really do. Dad's sermon was on the holy spirit, and somewhat mind boggling, but still somewhat understandable. After church, mom tore off to start supper, dad talked with a few people, and Linda, Duck, and Brenton kinda hung around for a few minutes and then went to the house. I sat down beside Ben and we talked for a few minutes, before heading outside, and to his truck. He drove me to my parents place, which is like... a 2 minute walk. But it was nice to see the famous truck he likes to brag about. :D I went inside and sat around while mom finished up lunch and dad took Duck, Brent and Ben downstairs to show off the Vroom Vroom.
Lunch was soon done, so Ben headed off to his own lunch as we sat down. Lunch was great and we all got to talk. -Right- after we were all done eating, everyone but Brent and I left to go to the valley for Lic. Durling's induction service. Brent and I sat outside for about 2 hours in the sun and talked about everything. It was nice to sit and not worry about stuff and really tell my story and talk about how I feel. Mind you, I know I have a lot of people that I -can- talk to about all this, but Brenton had -no- idea, so it was nice to start from the beginning and tell the whole story and he told me things too. Afterwards, I gave him my number and he gave me his and he drove of on his bike.

So... alone I was... inside mom and dad's house. It was about 2:00 and didn't have plans until about 5:30. So... I did as my parents had asked and cleaned... and cleaned... and cleaned. I was actually quite proud of myself. I went online and chatted with some friends as I did the dishes, took out the compost, washed the table, scrubbed the grill and swept the floor. This all took me about 3 hours or so. It was around 5:00 so I called Ben to see if he wanted to go to Foodland with me. He had just got in the door but didn't mind coming. So, I jumped in dad's car and went to get him. He and I talked on the way to foodland, picked out cookies for the get-together, then he was all gentlemanly and carried my bag out. We talked from Foodland to my parents house, talked inside, then talked all the way to Christy's house. We picked up Christy and then headed to April's house.

At April's, we had all had smoothies, played with the dog, played with the baby (who can crawl!!!!!!), chatted, ate, had tea/coffee, ate some more, watched TV and ate. Ben left earlier than I did since he had to drive over an hour to get back home. Christy and I headed back together around 9 or so. We chatted the whole way about stuff and she told me that she thought of me as a little sister, which was sweet. I think she's okay... hahaha.. Kidding!! Love you Christy!
While pulling into Christy's driveway, my phone rang. It was Dwayne, the guy from the apartment in Port Williams. He asked if I was still interested and asked if we could get together on Tuesday to sign a lease. I was thrilled.
I ended the day with lying on the bed, chatting on MSN and falling asleep peacefully with a smile on.

*sigh* 1 hour left... and counting.
Calls are pretty short, I'm loving it. No one's emailing me though. Which sucks. They must all be leaving me MSN messages like I said on MSN. They better be at least!

Anyways... I can't delay anymore. I'm very excited about my days off, that's for sure. I dont think I'll have much to update on tomorrow, but y'never know...
Ciao!
Love y'all!
-Tanya

Sunday, April 22, 2007

"Never Again" by Kelly Clarkson

"I hope the ring you gave to her
Turns her finger green
I hope when you’re in bed with her
you think of me
I would never wish bad things
But I don’t wish you well
Could you tell
By the flames that burned your words
I never read your letter
Cause I knew what you’d say
Give me that Sunday school answer
Try and make it all okay

Does it hurt
To know I'll never be there
bet it sucks
to see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
you knew
exactly what you would do
Don’t say
You simply lost your way
She may believe you
But I never will
Never again


If she really knows the truth
She deserves you
A trophy wife
Oh, how cute
Ignorance is bliss
But when your day comes
And he’s through with you
And he’ll be through with you
You’ll die together, but alone
You wrote me in a letter
You couldn’t say it right to my face
Well, give me that Sunday school answer

Repent yourself away

Does it hurt
To know I'll never be there
bet it sucks to see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
you knew
exactly what you would do
Don't say
You simply lost your way
they may believe you
But I never will
Never again


Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
never
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never!

Does it hurt
To know I'll never be there
Bet it sucks
To see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
you knew
exactly what you would do
Don’t say
You simply lost your way
They may believe you
But I never will
I Never Will
I never will
Never again"



Thoughts?

Friday, April 20, 2007

I'm gonna see road signs in my sleep!

Well... after that last post about being tired, I got off work and met up with my parents at Tims in New Minas. We chatted for a few moments, they gave me some clothes from Christy M and April M (THANKS GUYS!) and then mom commented on the fact that my tire looked weirdly big. Mom and dad did some comparing and we ended up taking the car up to Rockey's for him to take a look. He put it on the hoist and took a look. Apparently my wheel barring, the spindle, etc (I'm pretending to know what I'm talking about right now). So... my car is still at Rockey's, sick (*sad face*), however, we were met with a dilemma. Tanya needs a car! We looked at our watches and then hopped in mom's car (that dad was actually allowed to drive) and hurried to NT. We got to NT at about 6:05 and I hopped in DAD'S car (the black one) and jumped back onto the highway.
Got here to work at 8:00 and started at 8:30.

So... basically, I worked from 10am til 2:30, sat around for an hour and a half while Rockey tried to fix my car and track down a part (which he did - in truro) and then drove for 4 hours from 4 til 8 and now am working for 4.5 hours (8:30 til 1am).
I.
Am.
TIRED.
So tired that I'm actually having a hard time typing. I'd give -anything- to be in bed right now... resting/sleeping. It'd be great.

We shall see.
Ciao!
-The Sleepy Tanya

...Wow

Well, it's been on long, busy and eventful week for me. The days are completely blending together, so this post might be vague when it comes to times and dates.

Started a couple days ago, which started out kinda bad, but oh well. I was on MSN, chatting with my cousin Sandy, when all the sudden, Houdini himself (Andy), appears on MSN. I panic. I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out to Sandy when he writes me. "Hi" 'What do I do?' I think to myself. I was in no way ready for the talk (which I knew would turn into a fight). So... I respond back "Hi". There was a little silence, before he started to ask where I was, and said "... you never called, you never wrote, you never left me an offline message on MSN". I proceeded to tell him that -he- hadn't either. Anyways, after me telling him about waiting for a week, I told him that I wasn't ready for this talk, and blocked him. I sat there, scared, stressed, and not knowing what to to do. After about 5 minutes of sitting on bed, in shock, I un-blocked him so we could talk. "I think we need to talk about this" he said. To which I responded "Okay. Do you want to go first or do you want me to?". He started. He told me that his grandmother is dying from stomach cancer and he's been at his friends houses who take care of him and feed him and do the things he needs (which means I wasn't doing those things... apparently) I let him say his piece and he finished it off with "... I think it would be best if we separate. I think we'd be better of just good friends." I was jumping out of my skin. I was so happy he was thinking the same thing as me, and actually said it first. I quickly responded with "I 100% agree". He told me "Tanya, you were good to me 99% of the time. And someday, the -right- guy -will- come along for you. Don't let this experience hinder that." He and I proceeded to talk about a little bit of the specifics of it all. I told him that I was already looking for an apartment and might have one come the end of the month. He told me there was no rush, and that whenever I needed help, he would come, and bring along our two mutual friends Dippy and Stretch (aka Matt and Adam). We had a few laughs chatting about them when he wrote "Now scram. Go have some fun with your friends. You need it." I stayed online a little bit longer, but then logged off. I haven't talked to him since, but the feeling of calm that was over me, was un-believable. I logged back on after about a half hour. Got to talk with some people (the usuals: Ben, April, Christy, April, Christine) and tell them the good news. While chatting with them and laughing so hard my sides hurt, my (aka mom and dad's) cell phone rang. I answered it, and it was one of the guys that I had called about an apartment in Port Williams, on Starr's Point Rd. He and I set up an appointment for the next day (which was yesterday, so I guess all this happened Wednesday). I picked up Megan from work, told her what happened and then headed back to her place to pass out.

Yesterday, I woke up with a smile on my face because of ... well, reasons. :) Chatted online for a bit until I had to pick up Megan at work at 3:00 and take her to get her taxes done. She was super fast and so I dropped her back off at her work so she could get a drive to her tanning appointment. I went back to her place and went on the internet for a little bit, returning to chatting to mostly the same people. Megan called me about an hour later, saying that her drive didn't pick her up, and she needed a drive to her tanning appointment. So.. it was 5:00 and I drove here there for 5:15. She was in for 20 mins and we boogeyed to my apartment appointment at 6:00 and picked up Sandy along the way. Megan stayed in the car, while Sandy and I went in and looked at the apartment. The apartment was nice. Small, but that's all I need. A nice bathroom, which I'm excited about. I asked a few questions and left since he had another lady coming to look at the apartment at 6:15. I told him I'd call him tomorrow (which is today) and went on my way. Went to Megan's house to drop her off and went online. Chatted with Ben, Brad, and Kate for about 10 mins and then left to go to Kate's house. Kate and I hung out, watched some episodes of American Idol, ate her yummy rice salad, talked about stuff, and then headed off to town (New Minas). Went to WalMart to get a paint-by-number (!!), some shampoo and some freezies (!!!). We headed back to her place, after getting gas and telling some funny stories (Same Kate that said "We already had Mac Dinner for Christmas" in the previous post) about her driving over the curb at a gas station. We went back to her place, both went online while she put on a episode of 'The L Word' which was........ interesting. I chatted with Ben, April, Christy and Leanne before heading 'home' (Megan's house). Got home and went online for about an hour, finished my chat with Leanne and April, wished April a happy birthday and then went to bed. Megan came home a short while after that and we chatted... and chatted... and chatted. She's -beyond- excited to see Martin, her boyfriend who's been in Afghanistan for the past 3 months and I was giggly about other things. Needless to say, we didn't get to sleep until about 4am.

I woke up to the -lovely- sound of the alarm this morning ( I -HATE- the sound an alarm makes) at 9:00am and got ready for work. Dropped Megan off at her dad's work so she could get the car, and then came to work.

It's now 1:13 and sooooo sunny outside. Times like these are when I wish I worked outside. It's supposed to be sunny all weekend, which I'm -loving-.

I meet up with mom and dad at tims in just over an hour, on my split, which is also exciting. Dad came down to town to get insurance on his bike so we're all three going out for coffee. On the way, I'm calling Dwayne about my... uhh.... THE apartment. Lol. It's not mine yet.

My days are completely blending together, and I'm looking forward to some good sleep, but we shall see. This weekend's fairing out to possibly be a lot of fun, including Sunday night with smoothies at April's house, and the possibility of Tanya doing some baking. *gasp* Tanya never bakes. :)
See you all later.
NT folks: I'll be pulling in at 1am or so so I'll see you at church Sunday morning.
Ciao!!
-Tanya

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Yay!

Okay. So I'm not so much a loser anymore. I was actually able to figure out how to put links and pictures up on the blog. Whoo-hoo.

So.. yeah. Just wanted to share that.
Also, I have a new email address.
tanyas_email@yahoo.ca

:D

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

HOTMAIL HATES ME!!!

Wow!!!!!!!!!!
Ok. This is the -second- time that hotmail has done this. I go to send an email, and for some reason, hotmail thinks 'Hey. This person doesn't need just one copy... not just two copies... not even three! Lets send dozens!' The first time it happened was to Sandy. She got 300 or so and it made her computer freeze up. And it just happened to Ben. I go to send him an email, and it does the thing. I go and check and there are at least 30 there. Ugh.
To both of you: Sooooo sorry. I'm making a yahoo id now.
-T

Random thoughts

-Man oh man am I looking forward to my day off tomorrow. My plan is to sleep in as much as possible then look for an apartment and then grab some small stuff from the house like clothes and stuff. I really need to get an apartment soon so I can get my two cats a home where someone will be there. I feel really bad for them.

-I'm in such a good mood right now, but is scary, because I'm worried I'll get a bad call. But! I'll just look on the good side of everything. I had a crappy day mostly today until my split. I went home... and by home, I mean Megan's house, went upstairs and chatted on MSN for about 2 hours to Ben, April and some other random people. April was being silly saying that because Ben and I were talking, she wasn't getting a response from either one of us. She kept nudging me because 'Mya liked the sound of it'... I think she just wanted some attention. Jealous April?! *evil smile* Ben and I talked about basically anything and everything. Got to know each other, which was fun. I don't make new friends very often, so this is exciting. (Check that out Ben! Twice in one day!)

-I'm very excited about the fact that April now has facebook. One of my favorite addictions. Welcome to the addiction April. Now you'll have the blog AND facebook. :D

-My right eye is twitching again. This happens when I'm either stressed, or need sleep. In this case, it's both. Luckily I can sleep in tomorrow.

-My fly of my pants wont stay up... Which, isn't something y'all need to know or hear, but it's random, and annoying the crap outta me.

- There's a lot of time between calls. I'm LOVING it. Gives me time to email people and blog.

-Just had an hour long call... Ugh. Oh well. My BAHT is still like, at 7 something which is good.

I think I'm gonna go play bubble popper. :)
Have a good night!
-T

T-I-R-E-D

Hey all.
Back to Online Support for another full day. 1:30 til 6:00 and then 8:30 til 1:00. I'm soooo tired. Last night was kinda bad. I was telling someone from work what was going on, so that in turn got me thinking about everything and got me kinda sad. So... the last two hours of work last night, 11:00 til 1:00, went sooo slow. I went home (as in Megan's house) and talked with her for a bit. We were both over-tired so we were giddy. We talked and giggled for about an hour and then both passed out. I had a dr appointment this morning at 9:15... that I didn't make it to. Me and my sleeping. Dad can vouch for that. If I need sleep, I wont hear -anything- and keep sleeping until I'm rested somewhat. I woke up, went to the Royal Bank to get my GST cheque cashed, and then went to the Post Office to get a money order. From there, I went to Wawanesa (insurance place) to get my insurance in order and give them my money order. I didn't have time to open up another bank account, so I told her I'd be back after her lunch. She was fine with that. From there, I went to CIBC bank and opened up a bank account for myself and got a few void cheques for insurance and for work. Got that all set up and then went to my old friend, Kim's, house. She had burnt me a DVD and wanted to hand it off. I got that from her, and talked for about 10 minutes and then left there to go BACK to Wawanesa. I gave Tammy there my blank cheque and she was happy about that. I then went to Timmies and got myself a tea and a ham and cheese biscuit and then boogeyed off to work. The biscuit is in the car, cuz I can't eat it on the call floor, and my tea is in the fridge cuz I can't drink it on the call floor. I went to the office here at work and handed over my void cheque so I can get my pay put in MY account, rather than the joint account. So... here I am. So very very tired.

Yesterday I got to talk with Ben Allen finally on MSN after I screwed up on the MSN adding process. Lol. We got to talk about a lot of things, which was nice. It was nice to have someone know how I feel and agree with me. And his dog is sooooo cute:) I was told by April that he's been reading my blog, to which I panicked. lol. Kinda scrolled through a bunch of my posts to see what I had written about. I kinda forgot that anyone could read my blog, not just Dad, April, Christy, Donna and Sandy. I guess I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve in here, eh? Anyways, all in all, twas a good talk and I enjoyed doing some husband bashing. Lol! Kidding. (There you go Ben... you're now famous on my blog :D)

Things are becoming soooo real about the separation. I took my wedding ring and engagement ring off yesterday. Today, I found my purse in my car (whoo-hoo) and in it was my ring that dad had given me when was like.... I dunno... 11? So... that is now on my left hand! I don't feel so naked anymore. :P I've also started up a list of stuff I need/want to get from the house. I swung by today to pick up the mail. Nothing exciting. I didn't go in since I didn't have time.

Anyways. Time to post and start work.
-T

Monday, April 16, 2007

Rain drops keep fallin' on my head

Good day!
It's raining outside. Not as much as it was in New Tusket and Digby and that area, but it's still raining. Now, mind you, I LOVE the rain, but this rain is cold. The kind that chills you to the bone.

Had an -awesome- night last night with some church people. We headed out at 2:55 with Mom, Dad, Corey, Christy and Elizabeth. We drove for a little over an hour and got to Shelburne. We dropped Christy and Elizabeth off at Christy's grandmothers, and Corey showed us around town (which included how stealthily he can go through a stop sign lol). We then went and picked Christy and Elizabeth back up and then headed to the Chinese food restaurant. There, we met up with April, Craig, Mya, Christy and April's brother Ben, and their parents (whom I can't remember their names right now...) We had a great supper, with some great conversation and some laughs too, which is always fun. After we ate, we headed out to find a church in somewheres where there was a concert. After some confusion and a lot of turning around, we finally found the concert (at the high school, rather than the church where we -thought- it was being held). We also were under the impression that the concert started at 7:00. We were wrong. Concert started at 6:30. Oh well. We were only 15 minutes late.
The concert was amazing. It was about 20 or so kids from Africa who were orphaned by AIDS. The kids had so much energy and they each told their story about their parents dying and how they know have hope and love in their lives. It was really touching. Afterwards, the kids all lined up against the wall to meet and greet everyone. They were all so entranced by Mya. They were holding her, and posing for pictures, and one of the kids even took her African hat off and put it on Mya for the pictures. Afterwards we all piled in the car and went to Tims for a short coffee... Well, not that the coffees were short, but the time was.. y'know. Lol! I sat at the table with Craig, April and Ben... and well, Mya too. But she was ON the table. Ben and I spent about 15 mins or so playing with Mya and making her laugh (Soooo cute!) After that, we hopped back IN the van (shotgun, yeah!) and took the lonnnnng drive home (1.5 hours or so). The drive was nice. We all talked, and sang and Corey showed us around... Which included taking us over a scary bridge after I had JUST told him that day that bridges and I don't mix well. Lol!

It was a good weekend given what's going on. I still haven't heard from Andy, but things are becoming very official. I'm looking double-time for an apartment so I can move my stuff out. I also took my wedding ring and engagement ring off today. Kinda a big step. They're safely in my car. But my feeling is, if he doesn't want to come home to his wife and be true to me -that- way, then I don't need to keep on my rings.

Work is going well so far. Two transfers and then one nice and funny lady. I'm off at 6:00 and then back in at 8:30. I'll probably end up posting again today.
Ciao!
-T

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Reasons to smile

Well... After a week that I never want to live again, I've come out on top. I've battled anger, depression, confused, self-doubt, etc. Right now... sitting at work... I'm in one of the best moods I've been in in a -long- time. I've been chatting with a friend of mine from work and just made a fool of myself here. So... I decided that rather than focusing on everything that's horrible and unsolved, I'm going to list some things that make ma laugh or smile.

-The other day, I was going through the drive-thru at Tims in Kentville. For those who don't know the layout, Tims is right beside the ambulance place. I was sitting in my car, waiting for the line of cars to pass and I saw a paramedic running from inside the shop, to a waiting ambulance. He had some coffees in his hand, and had obviously just picked some up for him and his buddies. I guess they were in a rush, because the paramedic jumped up to get in the ambulance through the back door. Well... that didn't work out so well for him. His foot slipped when he took the initial running step onto the ambulance, and WHAM! He hit face first on the floor of the ambulance. Coffee - everywhere. He was obviously fine, but, at least he didn't have to go far if he DID get hurt. *giggle*

-Andy and I went camping back two Septembers ago for my birthday. Stayed Friday night, and Saturday night and then left on Sunday. Well... Saturday night... Andy and I are in the tent, I'm snoozin' away enjoying my sleep, when all the sudden, Andy nudges me and says 'Shhh!' I wake up, sit up, and listen. We can hear our cooler being drug across the lawn, which is only about 4 feet from us. I panic because Friday when we got there, on a tree where we were staying, the was bear claw marks. I panicked. "It's a bear!" I said to Andy. He agreed. He stuck his head out with the flashlight but didn't see anything. However, the rappie pie that he had bought and accidentally (fool!) left out on the picnic table was now across the road, empty and the tin was mangled. We counted down and the BOLTED to the car. We got in, locked the doors, and sat there. Andy managed to drift off to sleep, but I was so scared. After about 20 minutes, I heard the cooler being drug again. I poked Andy, "It's back! It's back!'" "Turn on your lights then!" He replied. (D'uh) My heart was pounding sooo hard as I turned on the lights and got ready to scream. Well....... we were greeting by 4 -terrified- raccoons. I laughed as Andy hollered out 'This ain't no Denny's! Get your breakfast someplace else!' I still didn't sleep that well that night.

-Same weekend, Andy and I are Upper Clements Park so we decide to go to the zoo there. Well, we come across the owl pen and Andy decides to do his 'special owl call' that he uses at his parents house to talk to the owls back and forth. So.. he gets his hands all prepared, wets his lips and positions them over the opening in his hands and blows. The most unbelievable owl sound comes out as he does a Tuwit Tuwoo kinda call. The owls look at him. Blink. Then ALL at the same time, turn their heads around the other way. I laughed for SO LONG. From then on, I kept teasing Andy that all this time at his parents house when he was doing owl calls, and the owls were calling back, it's not the owls... just another fool out on his porch doing the same thing. :D

-Back in the day of youth group, I was really good friends with Kate and Leanne... well... still good friends with them. Well, one day, after school, Kate calls me with this funny story. She starts the story by going 'You wont believe this. It's sooo funny!'. So, I start to smile, anticipating the story. She tells me that she was downstairs at home watching a movie. It was getting close to supper time so her mom comes to the top of the stairs to holler to her (by this time I'm giggling with anticipation). Her mom hollers down 'Kate! I'm starting to cook you come Kraft Dinner for supper!' (I'm seriously laughing just typing this). Well, Kate, in her rush to catch her mom before she starts it, tries to speak before her brain comes up with the words. She hollers up to her mom. "But we already had Mac-Dinner for Christmas!!!" Followed by laughter. I laughed soooo hard when she told me, and trying to not break out and snort from laughter right now at work. Still to this day, I say 'Already had mac-dinner for Christmas' to Kate and it makes her laugh.

-haha!!! Okay. I just thought of this one. Back about.... 4 or 5 years ago, my parents got a new car, a 2002 Mazda Protege. The most sweetest car ever. I loved it! So... they get it one morning and take it for a drive, then come home for lunch. Over lunch, we were talking about the car. At the time, I was into being 'cool' and squealing my tires and such. So... using my 'cool' talk, I asked mom 'How does it light up mom?' (which dad and I both knew meant how does it squeal, etc). Mom replies with 'I dunno. We haven't driven it at night yet.' I laughed and dad laughed as mom just stared at us blankly. We eventually told her why and she laughs about it now.

Enough of stories, cuz that that one was hard to remember. But some other random things that make me smile are babies, the colour yellow, sun, the rain, tanning, cuddling, the movie Rent, when people are silly (which is a LOT), etc.

It's 10 minutes until work's over, and I need to pack up.
But. Thanks for sharing my smiles and laughs with me. :) At least this was about 5 hours of smiling and laughing compared to the past week.
See y'all later. See my NT people at church tomorrow.
-T

Thursday, April 12, 2007

*yawn*

Good morning fellow blogspotters.
Well, 11:41am on Thursday. 5 days and counting for the disappearance of Andy. I went home last night to get some clothes for the night, and some things had been moved around and the cats had been fed. So... he was at home at least. I don't think he was home, however he might have been. I didn't go and check because he would have been asleep and I didn't want to wake him and have to deal with everything. I spent the night at Sandy's house last night, which was super nice of her. I got to go online for a bit and chat with some friends. I got to talk for a while with Leanne, who I've been friends with since grade 7. She's living now in BC but she was so supportive of me and where I stand. She told me to pack up my stuff, move out and never look back. In theory, I love that idea. But... it's quite difficult to never look back. I have a LOT of stuff at the house and it would take a while to gather up all my stuff. Plus there's all the crap of emotions. Knowing that he'll be hurt and I just don't like to do that to anyone... let alone Andy. But... on the other hand, I deserve happiness. So... Ugh *pulls out hair* I don't know what to do. I know I'll have tons of people support me and I might even have a cheap apartment lined up across the hallway from Sandy if it doesn't get rented to the landlord's friend. We shall see.

In other news.... um... not much really. Same thing. This is my third day in a row working, and I can't wait for my day off.

On my way to work, I was listening to a CD of Megan's and a song came on. Chorus as follows:
'Standing in the front yard telling
How I'm such a fool - Talking about
How I'll never ever find a man like you.
You got me twisted.
You must not know about me
You must not know about me.
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact he'll be here in a minute - baby
You must not know about me
You must not know about me
I could have another you in a minute
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking, you're irreplaceable. '

Now... I don't have another guy in the works, but it kinda told me that "Yeah, I might be married, but that's not the final word..."
Blah.
Anyways. I start work in a few so I'll post this and get my tools open.
Ciao.
-T

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I'm starting to get used to sleeping alone...

Yeah...
Andy didn't come home last night either. The bed is kinda nice without Andy taking most of it up. My cats keep me company though. Scrat likes to sleep right beside me, stretched out along my body. Boo likes to sleep on top of me, with his head nuzzled underneath my chin. And Kitty, well, she'll just perch wherever (my hip, my stomach, my legs, etc) and fall asleep that way.
I'm staying at someone's house tonight. Not sure if it's going to be my cousin Sandy, or a friend from work. I'll figure that out after I get a hold of my friend from work.
I have no clue what's going on, and I'm getting rather annoyed about talking about it all the time. Not that I don't appreciate everyone who's here for me, cuz I do, but after a while, there's only so many times you can say 'Andy didn't come home'...
Today's a sad day in itself as well. Usually a day that I don't like to be alone. It is the 6 year anniversary of my uncle Stephen's death, when he committed suicide. Stephen's death is something that hit me very hard when it happened, and I'm still not fully over it. Death and loss is something that has always been horrible for me. The first death that I dealt with was that of my nannie Reid's in November of 1999. Then it was Stephen's in 2001, also my great aunt Philly and my great grandmother who died on Stephen's death anniversary. I also lost a good friend of mine who I sang barbershop with and who was also a teacher of mine in grade 7, Mrs. Janet Neary. She died during rehearsals for Glory Days, so last summer sometime. Then grampie Reid died in February of 2006 after a week of being in a sort of coma. I was blessed to be in the room with the family when he passed on. It was a strange experience but it had SUCH closure to it. And now, just this month, a woman who I loved, respected and looked up to, died of ALS. She led the children's choir Kids for Christ that I joined in the summer between grades 5 and 6. After I was too old for KFC, I joined the sanctuary choir that she directed and got involved in the church. Jane was the person who led me to the church and in turn, led me to Christ. And from that, I led my parents to Christ. It truly is amazing how God works like that. I was just kid who was bored in the summer time and was going to DVBS's in the summer to keep me occupied and then I joined something at the church and now, 10 years later, my father, who I led to Christ, is now leading his own flock and leading people to Christ himself. Praise God. It truly is amazing.
Death sure is something that engulfs our lives with no hesitation. And dealing with death can be soooooo hard. Just recently, dad's church lost a member of their church, and seeing the heart-ache on everyone's faces, or seeing grown men cry (*hugs to Cory*), can really pull at your heart-strings.

There's an online game I play called Dark Risings. It's a MUD (Multi-User Dungeon) and is all text based. There are no pictures, just text and you can run around, leveling up your characters, killing monsters, saving people, getting money or equipment. Also, you can make friendships, or relationships with the other characters, or the people behind the characters. My character on the game is named Xanaphia. She's a merfolk (half fish, half person - think Little Mermaid). Now, Xanaphia had a child with a Kine (human) named Omito {I'm actually laughing right now at the fact that I'm explaining my game to you and thinking you -might- care}. Anyways, Omito and Xanaphia have a child named Myrhar (Drow for Miracle Child). Myrhar was sick from birth and never gained weight. Okay... skip ahead about 7 months. Just two or three days ago, the person behind Omito and I decided that our child would die from this sickness. We passed in a very touching, moving and lifelike way, and last night, we had the funeral. It was very sad and about 10 people showed up. We were able to get the administrators of the game to help us out and make it life-like by getting a coffin made and setting the coffin into the waters and the waters taking it away.
Anyways.... not that you guys care, and you probably thing it's morbid and weird, but oh well. Dark Risings is a big part of my day usually and I've made a lot of friends that way. One of my best friends is Brad, from Michigan. He plays a character named Argban. It's nice to make friends that way and have the friendship continue into real life and beyond the realms of the game.

Wow... that was a lot of typing. I'm at work right now for about 5 mins or so. So... I should end this. I'll repost tonight with my daily song.
-T

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

I know this place....

You've guessed it, I'm at work again. Calls seem to be going slow, but with the lack of sleep I got last night, I'll take short and far between calls. I came home last night around 9:00 or so to find Andy not at home again... I'm started to get used to that. I know that he shouldn't be sitting at home, all day and all night just waiting for me to return like a puppy, but, come on! At least leave me a note telling me where you are (even though I had a pretty good guess of where he was). I went to the library for a bit, then drove around with Sandy singing along with Rent and laughing at each other, and then went BACK to the library, and then hung out with my friend, Nelson, for a while, then went BACK to the library, and went home around 1am or so. Andy wasn't home... I assume he's at Deana's, but this is just getting ridiculous!
He told me to go to mom and dad's for Easter, which was sweet of him, but he should have assumed that I would be home last night since I had to work this morning.
So... I guess I shall just wait and see what happens.
I'm pretty tired right now. I've been here for an hour. I'm here until 2:45 with a break at 12:30. Hopefully today goes by good:)
Anyways, off to play my bubble shooter game that I'm addicted to.
Ciao folks!
-T

Monday, April 9, 2007

*yawn*

Well...
Well, well, well. This post is a little over-due, but, oh well. I have an excuse.
Since I last posted on Saturday night, work went pretty well, as it continued to snow outside. At around midnight, an hour before I was due to leave, our team leads went around, telling anyone who was due to drive over 20 mins to get home, that they could leave then. I was supoer excited. So, I finished up my call, and headed out at about 12:15. I got Andy a coffee, and went to drop it off to him at home. I got home, and he wasn't there. I didn't have the time to go around looking for him (I figured he was at Deana's anyways), so I left the coffee on the table, and went to the library. I stopped momentarily while at the library to just check in and see if I could find Andy. He was online, and told me that he WAS indeed at Deana's. He asked for a coffee so I told him that I got him one, and it's at home. He said that he'd get that later when he does go home. I chatted for a few minutes to my dear friend Brad, and then got some gas. Filled up and then called the parents. By this time it was 1am. I told mom and dad to give me about 3 hours to get there. Normally it takes 2, but I figured with the weather it might take longer. So... I hung up and began to drive.... and drive....... and drive............. and drive............
It took me a -very- long time as the roads were completely snow covered, visibility was beyond poor, and I didn't go above 40 the entire time. I wont document the whole drive, but I will tell you that it took me 5 and a half hours!... 5.5 hours!!!! That's almost 3 times as long!
A few things kept me entertained though through-out the drive. Between Middleton and Lawrencetown, I drove through what seemed to be a 'gang'. About 10 or so guys, drunk, walking down the middle of the road. I locked my doors upon approaching them and slowly drove through. I'm sure they weren't a gang, but rather a bunch of guys walking in the road, but it was so surreal and weird.
Also, after I got on the highway in Bear River-ish (I took the number 1 as far as possible), I saw some guy get ON the highway, from an OFF ramp. It confused me at first, and then made me laugh.
I ended up scaring my parents by taking 5.5 hours and not calling (sorry!), and met up with dad on the highway somewheres between Digby and Weymouth. He followed me all the way to mom and dad's house where mom was also awake... and so was the sun. I walked in the house, and saw an easter egg on the floor, then another. I smiled as mom made a small joke about Fluffy (the cat) laying eggs. I did my mini-easter egg hunt and then sat down at the kitchen table.
We decided that we wouldn't go back to bed since we'd have to get up in a few hours for Easter Brekkie. We talked for a bit until dad was busting with excitement. He told us to close our eyes, and went to get out surprises! He put a frame-feeling things in our hands, and told us to open our eyes. I looked down, and I saw a plaque with the Acadia crest in it that says "Presented to Tanya Herx for your unwavering support, dedication and love to Brian Reid while pursuing post secondary studies at Acadia University". Dad and I both cried a little while he said a little thanks to both of us for supporting him. We then all had showers and then headed to church for Easter Breakfast.

A big crowd showed up, which was nice. Levon was crying for some reason (I didn't pry), so I asked him if he wanted to eat with me. He nodded so we got some breakfast together and then sat together and talked and ate. We talked about fruits, and kiwi and fruit loops and such things until he got bored and kinda wandered off. I sat there with April, Craig, Mya, April (Maine), and April's sister (Chris? Christy? Christine?) and talked and laughed. After a bit, we all headed into the church for service.

The service was amazing. Over 70 people came, which was amazing, and the service wasn't traditional. The service was like a mini-musical, with some devotionals between songs. The last song we sang was In Christ Alone. This song is very special to me. I learned it from Colin and Joy Cook back at the Kentville Baptist Church. I then sang the song at my parents' 25th wedding anniversary vow renewal and kinda brought the song with me to the different churches we went to. I sang it once or twice at the Cambridge church and then sang it at New Tusket my first time. Dad then asked the choir to learn the song, which they did, and then taught it to the congregation. So... we sang it as our commissioning hymn. For those who don't know the song, here are the lyrics:

"In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.
Here in the pow'r of Christ, I'll stand."

The third verse is the most powerful, and that was the case on Sunday. 'There in the ground, his body lay. Light of the world by darkness slain' is sung softly, and slightly slower, to kind of give emphasis to the words. Then, 'Then bursting forth, in glorious day, Up from the grave her rose again!' is sung just as it sounds. Bursting! Powerful! I'm getting shivers just talking about it. Wel, on Sunday, after that 'bursting forth' part, I started to cry... and cry... and cry. I couldn't stop. It was amazing how much POWER the song had, and how much it dived way down into me, and pulled on my heart strings. Mind you, my body seems to put up some sort of a wall when I walk in church. I don't like to show emotion in church, for whatever reason. So... a wall gets put up. Things affect me, but I just don't show it. However, right before that song, dad did his pastoral prayer, and a part was for me and Andy. I started to cry a bit then, and that broke down the wall. Turns out that Christy and April were crying too. Very very very powerful.

We then went home and napped. We were invited to April's for Easter lunch, but I was just soooo tired that I told mom and dad to go ahead and I stayed home to sleep. I woke up at about 8 or so and kinda puttered around the house while I woke up, watched some TV, went on MSN and had a GREAT conversation with April about crap that's going on in my life. Then, went to bed. Woke up this morning and followed dad to Digby. He had to drop off mom's car at the car place since the fan belt broke yesterday. We then visited mom at work and then had some lunch at Pizza Delight. We filled our bellies and then headed back home. I then went online, and here I am.

Well.... *exhales*, that was a lot. I think I'm going to go have a bath and relax for a bit. Mom's due home at 5 and we're going to have supper and then I'll be heading back to the valley.

Happy Easter and Hoppy Bunny day everyone!
-Tanya

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Make the snow stop!

Well, I've got my tissues for blowing my nose, my tea to soothe my throat, my jacket to keep me warm and the walls of OLS protecting me from the gross weather. It's begun to snow outside... which I don't like. I'm off work at 1am and due to leave then to go to my parents house for Easter. However. I'm not going to enjoy the drive, THAT'S for sure. We've been told to expect anywheres from 10-30cm. Oh well. I'll drive carefully and safely.

Today was pretty boring/work-filled. Got up at 11, went to Tim Hortons for Andy's coffee and my tea, then to Foodland to get Andy smokes. Well... there should have been a sign out front telling people to bring tents for the long waits in the lines! I stood in line for probably close to 25 minutes. Luckily, a woman came into work early and opened another register so I was able to get out of there. I dropped Andy off his coffee and smokes and then boogeyed to work. Got here in just enough time to bring up my tool and log onto the phones. Calls weren't bad but there were SOOOO many of them. For about 2 hours or so, the que was above 30. It was just one after another. Your lungs tend to get tired after 4.5 hours of that!

I've kinda un-officially decided that every day I post, will have some song lyrics along with it, to kind of give emphasis to my post, or my thoughts, or just the song in my head.
So... today's is Jann Arden. A song that's stuck in my head: 'Good Mother'
"I've got money in my pocket
I like the colour of my hair
I've got a friend who loves me
I've got a house, I've got a car
I've got a good mother
And her voice is what keeps me here..."

I dont know why, but this part of the song has been stuck in my head since I've started this post. (Well, actually, since I went to the bathroom halfway through this post) The lyrics really tell us that in the midst of crappy things that may be happening in our lives (I know all about it), we can look around, and see what we DO have in our lives to smile about, or be happy about, or be thankful for.
I dont really have money in my pocket, but I do have a free coffee tab in the car for Timmies!
I have a lot of friends who love me, even though they may live far away, or be busy a lot.
I have a house and I have a car, even though they may be dirty... a lot of people don't have that benefit in their lives.
I DO have a good mother. I can't even put into words what my mother does for me physically and mentally. She's helped me through a lot of things, without even knowing. I know I've lashed out at her before about things (like coffee/tea urns at the wedding) and I'm sure she's been confused by it all.. but all in all, I love her, and I know that she loves me.
Same with dad (beware dad. possible tears coming). My dad has always been my rock. The kinda guy that I know I could tell anything to, he'd blink and say 'okay...' and not yell at me. I don't think I was ever yelled at as a child (unless I was in danger... like running down the driveway in Sheffield's Mills). Dad is loving and caring a big teddy bear. However, I do know that if ANYONE were to lay a hand on me, dad would get to wherever I was in a heartbeat and make sure that justice is done. My dad is my father, my best friend, my pastor and all around, one of the coolest people I know.

Well... I'm about to log into the phones and start taking calls. Wish me luck with my drive at 1am!
-Tan-Dog

Friday, April 6, 2007

DONNNNNNNNA

Okay... I can't fix the time/date thing.
I need help :(

Then... later that day.

Well, back to the grind-stone of Online Support.
One thing I forgot to mention on my last post from today, is that Andy and I are proud to announce that we are the proud owners of a working washing machine! Whooo-hoo!!!! The pipes from our washer froze up in the middle of the winter and left us with our clothes-cleaning availability close to nil. So, we've been taking our clothes to mom and dad's house to wash every weekend. Not fun to do that 2 hour drive every weekend with a backseat full of dirty clothes. We determined that the pipe was frozen, but I didn't really trust myself, or Andy to take a blow-torch to the plastic to warm it up. So... we left it to Mother Nature and God's wonderful spring-time to thaw it out. Then... I kinda forgot about it. Last night, I was looking through my clothes, trying to figure out what I was going to wear today at work, and thought to myself "Hey! I could try and drain the water from the washing machine!" (Water that had been sitting in the drum of the machine for over 2 months.) I turned it to 'drain', turned on the washing machine, and crossed my fingers. Then! Suddenly! I heard the WONDERFUL sound of water being spun and draining! I was jumping out of my skin with excitement. I then piled some clothes into the machine, put some soap in it, and turned it on. I stood there, in front of the washing machine, watching it like a child watching Cotton Candy being made on a stick (DAD!! "ON A STICK!!!" hahahaha). Anyways, it was amazing how much something so tiny as a working washing machine can brighten your day (and the smell of your clothes). :)

Between shifts today, I was supposed to meet up with a friend from work to hang out, but he stopped replying to emails when his water pump broke... I'm assuming he's standing knee-deep in water right now. So, instead, I hung out in the library parking lot, on the internet for a bit, chatting on MSN with a few people, and then headed to 'town' (New Minas) to get Andy a burger. On the way, I passed my cousin Sandy. I pulled around and met up with her in the parking lot of Tim Hortons. Her and I sat there for about a half hour and talked about her lovely date last night with some Carl fellow. She was beaming from ear to ear. It was so cute. We also had a little gossip fest (bad Tanya!), which we do soooo well. I left her there after I realized that Andy had been waiting for over an hour for his burger. I went to Burger King and got him a Double Bacon Cheeseburger and myself a Whopper (which has made me feel sick now). Went back home, picked him up, went to Timmies, then went to the library to spend a few more minutes on the net before I headed back to work. While there, Andy's friends Deana and Eve walked by. They stopped and chatted for a few minutes while I gently, then increasingly more persistently reminded him that I needed to go to work. I wasn't late, but I like being early to work so I can open up all my tools and check my emails and such.

So... here I am. At work. So far today (from 11:45 til 4:15, and then 8:15 til now (10:23)), I've taken 31 calls, with an average time of 8:27, which isn't BAD, but could be a lot better. I'm sure I'll be at 40 calls or above by 12:45 when I get off.

Hm... what else to discuss.
I don't feel well. I haven't been eating right over the past few days (5 or so). I just don't really feel like eating, and when I am hungry, the thought of eating makes me sick. When I do it, I kind have to force it down and bear through it. No, I don't have an eating disorder. I think that anorexia and bulimia are disgusting, and I know what they do to your body. My cheeks are also hot. I just feel icky all together.

Anyways, time to post this so my dear friends and family and read and comment:)
Later on, my blogspot-friends :)
-T